the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
