My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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