thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
