We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
