I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
