just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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