just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did you just see the Batmobile???
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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