those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
