It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my poor anus
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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