Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
