I have demons in me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
