i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
