wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
