Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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