Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
