where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
