i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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