everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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