Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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