I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
