I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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