We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
