The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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