Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
