It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize