She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize