Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
