I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
