Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
