sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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