they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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