mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
