Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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