Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
