Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
