I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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