Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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