I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You brought string cheese to the strip club
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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