Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looked like the before picture.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
