is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
