I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
