You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
