hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
