i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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