I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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