So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
