Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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