I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize