I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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