I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
