just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
