Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
