Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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