Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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