just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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