i just wanna soil my oats bro
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
