dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
