What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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