i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
