3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
