I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
