if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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