Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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