U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize