Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
