Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
