Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do herpes really smell.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this hospital has no fireball
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
