guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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