Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
